This novel is one of my new faves and I wanted to share this one with y'all even doe you ain't many left, haha. However this novel is written in english cuz it started out as one of my english-projects. Enjoy!

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I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t breathe and Draven was laughing too. He was good at that, making people laugh. Draven grew up with one sister. According to his mother he was the funny and creative one, while his sister was the smart one. She applied to college, and was what his mother called ‘a gifted child’. Because they were different, she could never love them the same. She loved them differently because they were two different people, but the amount of love was the same.
    “You know I love you?” He said kissing my hand. For some reason my cheeks always blew up in a red tone every time he said he loved me. He sure as hell was good at making people laugh – but he was better at making me blush, that was one thing for sure. “Yeah I do”, I nodded and smiled right back at him. He took my hand, pulled my hand close to his lips, and gently kissed my hand.
  “Babe, please keep your eyes on the road”, I mumbled. “My eyes are on the road”, the smile on his face was bigger than before. “Gosh Draven, you are such a tease you know that right? I am not the road, that’s the road”, my hand slipped out of his and slowly started to point at the real road. “My final destination at the end of this trip is going to be you, just so you know”, he blinked at me. I rolled my eyes and ignored his comment.
   “I love you too, you know…?”
“I know babe”, he laughed. “Good, now: do you want the love in your life dead? Of course not, you want me alive, just like I want you alive. So keep your eyes on the road, please Draven.”
“Ranya? Are your worried that something is going to happen to us? Cause it won’t, I know how to drive.”

I wanted it to stop - the hurting, but no matter what I did the hurting never stopped. My head was spinning, and I felt like throwing up. I was trapped in the maze of sorrow that was slowly getting smaller. There was no way out. No matter how fast I was running, no matter which way I choose to run through, a wall was always in the end of the maze. I wasn’t able to breathe, the anxiety was taking over again and before I even knew it I was screaming again. The screaming was so loud that it made my mother run into my room. As always: she didn’t say anything, instead she holds me until my panic attack stops.

   My grandmother used to tell me about how the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe. If that was true, the sun was dying right now to let the moon breathe. The story itself is beautiful, it’s heartbreaking – the sun has to die otherwise the moon will never breathe again. So the sun chooses to die
   “What’s on your mind, honey?” My eyes turned towards him. “The sun”, I shrugged my shoulders. “The sun? Why, the sun?” I shrugged my shoulders again, not knowing what to say. “I don’t know…” His eyes was slowly drifting away from the road, and drifting into my direction. “Babe, you can tell me anything”, his voice is calm, and heart-warming. “When I was a child my granny used to tell me a story, it’s silly actually…” I looked out of the window, the world was turning dark, and all you could hear was the sound of the radio. “Tell me the story”, his voice warm and caring.
  “When I was a child, my granny used to tell me a lot of stories. My favourite one was the one about the sun loving the moon. She told me that every night the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe. If that was true, the sun has to die every night. The sun can never see the one he loves, and neither can the moon. So every day they risk their lives for each other. It’s tragic and it makes me sad, because I can’t imagine a life without you.”
   For a moment he stayed silent, and took a deep breathe. “You know I can’t imagine a life without you either, right?” I nodded carefully and looked towards him. His hazel-brown eyes were sparking. I had never seen him so serious before. “You know how people say love is unconditional? Well that’s not the case here, I don’t love you unconditionally. By loving you unconditionally the reason I am with you is forced. I don’t force myself to be with you or love you. I love you because I want to love you, and I am with you because I want to be with you. Not the other way around. I choose every day to be with you because I want to Ranya.”
  In a fraction of a second my world fell apart, before I knew it the car had gotten off the road and fallen upside down…

Time flew by and I was lying wide awake in my bed, I wasn’t screaming anymore. My mother left as soon as I calmed down. She forced me to eat something and told me everything would be okay. The thing is nothing was okay anymore. My mind was a battlefield full of haunted memories that I didn’t want anymore.
    Everyone said they understood my pain that they knew what I was going through because they had lost someone too. But the thing is they would never understand how I feel. They can say they understand that they’ve been through the same thing. But the truth is; they haven’t. You see: we are all different and experience things in different ways, our feelings aren’t the same. We feel and love differently - therefor they will never get it, even when they try to. Their sorrow will not be the same as mine, just as my happiness will not be the same as theirs. Therefore they will never understand my actions, just like I will never understand theirs.

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           * a year later*

I was staring at the window when a familiar voice called my name, “Ranya?” I turned around and found my mother staring at me standing next to the door. “I just want you to be happy again. I know that inside your head there is a war between your memories and your life in the present, but you have to let go, honey. You can’t let yourself drift away like this. I don’t want to lose you”, she cried.
    “I’m slowly pulling away from the world around me. I’m slowly and sadly drifting away from the people I love - into a black hole. I can’t control it. My emptiness is taking over my daily life and there is nothing I can do about it. Sometimes no matter how hard you try or no matter how badly you want something it just won’t end up as you want it to. Sometimes the world feels just as empty as my inside. And I am genuinely sorry about that”, for the first time in 365 days I did not cry.